I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
