spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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