Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
