I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Michael Bay diarrhea
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
