Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
