we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
