Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
