so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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