i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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