Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
