Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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