The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
