I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
