You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize