Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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