Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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