I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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