I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I have fence marks all over my body
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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