woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
