I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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