I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
