OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
