I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
