Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
