Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
