How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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