I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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