So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
