Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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