i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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