Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
