so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
