I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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