yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
farters have to be the big spoon...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
