isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
