Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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