I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you traded sex for a burrito?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
