Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
