how can u be prego again
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize