When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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