he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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