Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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