last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
