My nipple is on Facebook.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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