Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
