Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
