I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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