all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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