Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
