its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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