soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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