I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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