God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
