I only kidnapped one of them. chill
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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