So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
