jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
