Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
