I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
