Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize