did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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