dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
My vagina just recognized that song.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize