tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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