Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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