She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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