This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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