officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
