ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
This is classic penis vs brain.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
