I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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