I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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