I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I enjoy the company of your penis
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
