She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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