i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
