Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
