and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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