Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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