Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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