I need to stop coming to work sober
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
