I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
