I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize