I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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