I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
