I want her autograph on my taint
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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