Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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