We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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