I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
