I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
