hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
