so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
