I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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