My liver just broke up with me...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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