he told me I talked like a deaf person
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
