FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
