i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
