we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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