Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
