You can't motorboat a personality
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
