No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
