Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
