Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
