nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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