She is in my trunk
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
