I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
