I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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