Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize