He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
