I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
