you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize